Falling to awareness...

For quite some time now, I have felt stuck in my life, emotionally, and spiritually. Recently it has manifested into deep resentments of my job responsibilities, and past choices that I have made in my life. At work in particular, all week long I had felt a building up of frustration from my “superiors” and their condescending behavior toward me.

My boss gave me an assignment: “ Bring these water glasses and coffee cups to the meeting,” as she glared at me with disdain. I felt like Cinderella with no ball to look forward to. Angrily I marched downstairs in my two-inch heels. I thought of the sadness that I, at this stage of the game, was reduced to little more than a water girl, “a holly go lightly.” But, light is not how I went down.

They say it takes something really big to wake us up and get out of our own heads. On this faithful busy afternoon at work, I got that hit in the head, literally and figuratively. Just like that in an instance I had fallen down the stairs at work, tumbling down in slow motion, as if I was a stunt woman in a movie.  By the grace of God, I didn’t break any body parts, but my legs got bruised pretty awful.  As I sat there at the bottom of the stairs to collect myself, all these emotions flooded my mind, anger, sadness, embarrassment, and a few 4-letter words, which I will leave for you to figure out.

After a mini melt down in a conference room, and the “powers that be” came to investigate what had happened, and to see if I was ok.  I started to finally get some clarity on what role I had played in this unfortunate fall I took that day. Although I did not deliberately tumble down the stairs, I started to retract my emotional state and the ball of negativity I had been holding onto for a while. I couldn’t help thinking that my ugly fall was a manifestation of all my anger and frustration with what was wrong in my life, instead of focusing on what was right in my life. I believe it actually had nothing to do with work, but it’s never about what it’s about. This was my “Aha” moment.

Two bruised legs, ego, and dignity later; I went home and made a conscious decision to work with me. I can’t control what others think of me, or what their opinions are. I only have control of how I behave, and what I want to let into my life. It seems pretty simple, huh? Not exactly, because life is full of surprises and curve balls that we have to deal with, and sometimes we have to weave in and out of lanes to avoid an accident. However, I will say this experience has certainly made me think of how much energy we bottle up and how it affects us negatively, and how a good attitude and being in a state of gratitude and love can work in the same domino effect bringing light and positive vibrations to us. So the next time I start getting carried away by my emotions, I realized that I had better hold on to the railing; unless Hollywood comes looking for a stunt double.